A pitch critique

Today I saw this elevator pitch online:http://www.youtube.com/user/investorscircle#p/u/12/RWjsIG_eq28

What follows is a highly critical review. My goal here isn’t to beat up on the entrepreneur (the pitch is so old this will have no effect on him), but to share how all of us can do better when pitching:

  • The opening line is so broad I don’t "get" it.
  • "Super critical CO2"… "replaces current thermal processes" – ah… I’m half geek and I have no idea what he is talking about. If you speak geek, only geeks will understand. Make it great-grandma friendly and everyone can "get" it.
  • Next he mentions two companies he is working with – this is GREAT. He is giving credibility to his tech, showing it isn’t just a theory, it is in use.
  • Way too much time on the solution and how it works. We want to know lots of other things in a pitch – are you making money? How big is the market? Are the people leading it Bozos or brilliant billionaires? Who are your customers? Why do they care about you? What pain are you solving?
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