How NOT to impress an investor

What follows is a (slightly modified to protect the guilty) elevator pitch that actually came in to me today. I invite the readers to reply with their reasons why this is NOT a credible elevator pitch for angel investors…

executive summary
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[COMPANY] is global internet government . [COMPANY] is www.[COMPANY].com . [COMPANY] is a social network / media outlet . [COMPANY] is the future of the world media . [COMPANY] MONITORS EVERY FINACIAL TRANSACTION BY EVERY GOVERNMENT ON EARTH . [COMPANY] promotes transparency and accountability for every government on earth . [COMPANY] suports freedom of speech for all humans . [COMPANY] admits that its numbers may not be correct . this is media speculation , or guess work . [COMPANY] states that its numbers are un official . [COMPANY] allows all people to participate in and contribute to what the i.m.f. ( international monetary fund ) and the u.n. ( united nations ) are doing . [COMPANY] does not say [COMPANY] is perfect . [COMPANY] simply states that [COMPANY] is better than everyone else . [COMPANY] feels that all people have the right to not only know what their government is doing with their tax money , but also have the right to comment on that subject .

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management

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over 13 years ago , [JOHN
SMITH] baer invented global internet government in portland , oregon , usa . [JOHN] is the owner , founder and president of [COMPANY] . [JOHN] is the only employee [COMPANY] has ever had . [COMPANY] has zero debt and no one has ever invested in [COMPANY] . [JOHN] owns the entire company . [JOHN] is looking for investment and venture capital . if you have any comments or questions for [JOHN] please contact him at 541 419 9676 . [COMPANY] . [JOHN] lives in bend oregon usa but is willing to relocate to any city . [JOHN] will be in the bay area in late june and in boulder colorado in late july . [JOHN] feels that [COMPANY] is the only way to save earth . [JOHN] feels that all females have the right to control their own bodies and that the environment can only be saved if there is a signifigant and sustained decline in the human population on earth . [JOHN] believes that the environment must be saved . [JOHN] feels that the financial potential for [COMPANY] is over one trillion american dollars .

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financials

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[COMPANY] has zero cash . zero . any money invested in [COMPANY] in the future will go twords obtaining a office and employees . specifically web designers . [JOHN] is willing to part with up to 15% of the company for the right price . low ball offers will be relegated to 2% – 5% of [COMPANY] . advertising would be the revenue generator for [COMPANY] . to be frank , [COMPANY] is not really about cash in the first place . [COMPANY] is about the evolution of freedom in media and government thanks to the rapid and overwelming domination of the internet . [COMPANY] is post internet . being part of [COMPANY] will be lucrative , but thats not the point . the point of being part of [COMPANY] is karma . and history . [COMPANY] will make tons of cash , but [COMPANY] is much bigger than cash .

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